Be a better listener by picking the right distractions
At a recent Boulder Ruby meetup, we talked about our struggles with paying attention during remote meetings, especially after several in a row. My approach raised a few eyebrows: I actively try to distract myself during meetings! It’s the only way I can pay attention: the key is finding the right distractions.
For years, my computer, phone, and watch have conspired to distract me during remote meetings. I’ve had some luck hiding non-call windows, leaving my phone plugged in elsewhere, and putting my watch in do-not-disturb. Even then, I’d find myself mindlessly alt-tabbing to my browser or Slack.
I’d tell myself that I was still paying attention to the person speaking, but it’s really only possible to process a single stream of language input at a time; you have to choose between listening or reading.
I remembered how my old manager Ben took many of his 1:1s on foot, racking up tens of thousands of steps in the neighborhoods around our office in Denver. So I started doing the same.
Now, I try to take meetings away from my desk whenever I can. I go on walks around the neighborhood, do dishes, clean the garage, really anything that involves moving my body and doesn’t involve processing another language stream. Company all-hands? Time to do my monthly half-hour of bike maintenance.
For some folks, this might mean doodling, playing with fidget toys, or even looking out the window (something my eye doctor tells me I should be doing more!). Since most of our meetings are recorded, I’ll often listen to calls I don’t need to participate in a day or two later while biking home from daycare drop-off, driving around town for errands, or even going for a run.
I wouldn’t be comfortable with this approach without the psychological safety I feel at work. My director models and encourages it himself, often doing his 1:1s from the kitchen while cooking meals and preparing snacks for his kids.
Since making this change, I’ve noticed that I am remembering more from my calls, ending my days significantly less fatigued than before, and can be just as present in my fourth call of the day as I am in my first. While it may seem counterintuitive, I believe that the ability to truly listen to others is the most professional, respectful thing we can do. And for me, the right distractions are a big part of listening well.